Saturday, October 16, 2010
This is not my vagina
My pubic hair is brown. I look down as I sit on the toilet and I think ‘whose vagina is this?’ it’s attached to my body but it is not mine. Mine had red hair on it. And when it was nearly bald it still had some red hair and I got used to it. But now it’s not mine and I don’t like it. The hair is straight and soft, not like it should be. And brown. It’s ugly. I’m embarrassed by it. I fear that someone will see it and laugh. I’m a red head and my pubic hair is brown and the hair on my head is blonde. I feel like someone stole my identity and left the unwanted pieces of theirs for me to have to deal with. This is not my vagina and I’d rather have none than this one.
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The irony is that after chemo hair usually grows in REDDER than it was originally...the hair regrowth can be upsetting but Marie, your hair WILL return to what it was. Try to just look at the uniqueness of this situation for now. I'm a natural blonde with straight fine hair. When my hair first grew in it was red-gold and a bit curly and I had cowlicks. I thought it was cool but it did go back to its old self. I'm just glad it grew back. I think for us women there is that fear that it won't start growing back and we would be bald indefinitely. I loved not having to shave my legs and armpits and pubic hair (I like to go "bald" haha) - wish that had all stayed that way but I guess you can't have it both ways!
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