Saturday, April 10, 2010

Day 3

(written January 15th, 2010)

I just got my results on Tuesday that I have breast cancer. I'm 33 years old. It's in my right breast only, a lump about the size of a piece of corn plus a bunch of tiny deposits. I have no idea what kind and what stage and I'm alone in this. I have no insurance and I have to apply to Medicaid for assistance but I'm told it can take a while. I'm so scared. My family & friends are supportive but I cry when I'm alone and I have no idea what I'm doing. I hate being online researching all of this. My life just got so great & suddenly here I am! I'm looking for support groups in Brooklyn NY. I want to meet more women my age who are or have dealt with this. I keep hearing it's more aggressive in younger women, is that true? I'm at a loss. My mother died 2 years ago from Melanoma and she didn't push the doctors enough to do the right things. What's pushing enough & what's too much?
I guess I just need help. I'm told I'm a strong person but I just don't know if that's true. And I have some negative people in my family that don't get how scary this is. I feel like I'm floating on a tiny ice berg barely big enough for me to stand on & I'm so far from land I can't see it, and the water's rough and I can't keep my balance, and it's cold, so cold, and there is no one else anywhere, just ice bergs far away and cold water with no life in it. I don't want to fall in but it's slippery and scary and melting under my feet & I'm cold. Tell me that makes sense.

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