Shock and Awe

As I move away from having cancer and into this unknown space of surviving it, I feel dubiety toward the entire situation. I honestly look back and think: Did that really happen? Have I really been through this? If I think too much about how it has happened to me I feel as though I may begin crying hysterically and never stop, so I have been distancing myself; discussing it superficially with most people and avoiding relating anything directly to how I feel about it. I only have one therapist so I should just let it out to her and shut it off around everyone else; I don’t think anyone else really wants to hear about it or deal with it. The thing is… I want to talk about it-- with a friend or family member, someone, but I don’t know who would want to listen so I just hold it in, suck it up, and smile. Not that there is anything wrong with smiling, but I could use a good cry and a nice shoulder to cry on. I had the shock of a life time and now I'm at that point where my jaw is dropped & I'm looking at it as if I just saw Godzilla walking through Time's Square or something. I need to work out these emotions and talk out how I feel but I don't usually trust anyone enough to do that & those I do trust, well...
Maybe making this play will be what helps. We shall see...