I wrote this poem today. Two days after surgery. I feel really melancholy; maybe it's the weather. I want to cry but I want to sleep. I yearn for warmth right now; it's very cold today. I yearn for love & comfort. I want to cry without being judged by anyone & curl up in the arms of someone I love. I don't really have that person yet but lately I've been thinking about someone I can't quite get off my mind. And I'm frustrated that my family has forgotten me. I could have died & only John called. Maybe the rest of them are dead & no one told me. Maybe I'm just sick of not saying how I really feel. What are they waiting for- my funeral!?! I don't care anymore that they are busy- I had fucking cancer in my tit & they cut it off!And I'm still standing & I'm still trying to be someone. I feel like my brother Bill is retroactively blaming me for my mom being dead; like I got cancer to steal her thunder from dying of it. Yep, cancer's so gawd damn fun & all! He couldn't even say the word "chemo." My sister can only send me tiny messages mostly from her kids. If she had cancer I'd do more; I'd do anything. Is that just me? I'd be there for her; I'd be there for any of my friends if they got this. People I hardly know are taking better care of me. How is this not strange? I wonder if they even think of me without being prompted.
Anyway, here's the poem. I deserve the love I want. I really do.
Tears like rain down my face
I wish you were here to hold onto me
The need for comfort is so deep
Feeling chained to myself and desolate
I know you smell the way I want everything to be
I know you are comfort for me
Please let me cry and don’t judge what I say
I’ve been waiting for you to be with me all day
The clouds and the wind cut low in my bones
I need for you to prove that I’m not alone
Come find me, wipe the tears away,
And be mine now and forever
I deserve you… whoever.